My coworkers post such vile things on their Facebook
pages. I want to tell them that they’re all idiots.
I want to work out; I don’t want to argue with my
trainer about the election. If she doesn’t stop talking about her candidate, I
will go elsewhere.
I don’t want to discuss politics at work. Yet, my
colleagues say nasty things about the candidates and often end up yelling at
each other. What do I do?
The recent outbreaks of uncivil behavior in the
political arena have impacted our everyday experiences, as the comments above
testify. But it’s time for people to fight back – politely, of course – and
assert that being uncivil to one another is not the way we want public figures
to behave. Nor is it the way we should behave.
Bear in mind:
— You don’t have to mirror the impolite
actions of others.
— You can be “polite and
powerful” and express yourself without resorting to bad behavior.
Use these tips to encourage polite behavior in
your workplace and in your wider world. (These apply to your social media
postings, also.)
1. Don’t attack back. Remember that someone else’s bad behavior is no
excuse for your own. I know this may be a hard concept to accept, and even
harder to implement – but it is worth practicing. If somebody says something to
offend you, it may feel good to respond with a comment like, “Well, what do you
know, you idiot?” But this type of response is not going to build your
credibility or accomplish anything. Plus, it gives the other person power
over you, by getting you to say things that most people will regret
later.
2. Disagree agreeably. If you have difficulty with someone, talk to
the person. Listen to what he or she has to say. You can evaluate an idea
without attacking the person who is promoting it. Explain your reasons. Provide
the specific information, quotes and/or research. You can say, “I see it
differently, and here’s why…” which is a lot more productive than screaming at
people or calling them names. Or, you can say, “Let’s agree to disagree and
move on,” or “I am not discussing politics at work. Let’s get back to the topic
at hand.”
3. Avoid inflammatory words. Using harsh words such as “stupid,”
“ignorant,” and “dumb” only inflames a situation, and this approach is unlikely
to lead to a positive resolution. Name calling is just wrong – and childish.
Cursing at people is not only mean, it also reflects poorly on the one doing
the cursing. (Additional information on word choice and how to
respond assertively to aggressive comments can be found in my book, The Communication Clinic: 99 Proven Cures
for the Most Common Business Mistakes.)
4. Remember that it’s hard to be nasty to people who are nice to you.
This includes meetings in person or via Zoom. Keep “please,” “thank you,” and
“excuse me” in your vocabulary. Greet others when you see them. Don’t
interrupt people. Help them when you can. These behaviors are common sense, but
unfortunately they’re not always common practice.
5. Do something. If
you really don’t like something, take action. Don’t complain to others, get
involved. Join organizations. Volunteer for causes you support. Start a blog
where you assertively (politely and powerfully) express your opinions – but
make sure you follow your company guidelines, if you do.
6. Walk away. And if you don’t want to do any of the above, you
can always avoid hostile or impolite discussions by removing yourself from the
conversation or taking a break from social media.
Pachter & Associates provides training and coaching on business etiquette and communication skills. For additional information, please contact Joyce Hoff at joyce@pachter.com.